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A Paper Life
by Tatum O'neal
Product Group: Book
Publisher: HarperEntertainment (2004-10-01)
ISBN: 0060540974
EAN: 9780060540975
Dewy Decimal #: 791.43028092
Hardcover: 304 pages
Release Date: 2004-10-12
SKU: 28480
Condition: Collectable Like New
Comments: THE HARDBACK BOOK! HARPER, 2004. THE UNABRIDGED 1ST EDITION. WITH TERRIFIC PHOTOGRAPHS! HARDCOVER W/GILT LETTERING, DUST JACKET AND PAGES ARE BRAND NEW! Rapid shipping w/FREE tracking. GREAT PACKAGING . Air Mail.
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Editorial Reviews
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Product Description
At age ten, Tatum O'Neal became the youngest Oscar winner in history for her performance in the film classic Paper Moon. She was hailed as a new kind of child star -- sassy and precocious -- for a hip, cynical age. As the sidekick to her father, the flamboyant star and man-about-town Ryan O'Neal, she became a fixture at the most glamorous Hollywood parties and counted celebrities ranging from Cher to Stanley Kubrick among her childhood friends. But behind the glittering facade of Tatum's life lay heartbreak: abandonment, abuse, and neglect. Her alcoholic mother, the actress Joanna Moore, drifted in and out of her life. Her father, saddled with both Tatum and her brother Griffin, grew increasingly punishing and distant, especially after moving in with his longtime love, Farrah Fawcett. By her late teens, Tatum -- though a working actress with ten movies to her credit -- had begun a perilous slide into self-destruction. Then, just before her twenty-first birthday, Tatum met the man who would become her husband: the explosive tennis great John McEnroe. They had three children, Kevin, Sean, and Emily, in quick succession, followed by one of the messiest high-profile divorces on record. With the collapse of her marriage and no real family to turn to, Tatum succumbed to the demons of her past, which would nearly kill her. Now she has emerged clean and sober, rediscovering herself as an actress, mother, and wonderfully vibrant woman in what she considers the prime of her life. A Paper Life is a story of strength and courage: unflinchingly honest, yet poignant, often funny, and unfailingly uplifting. It is a tale of triumph steeped in Hollywood lore -- and an inspiring testament to the healing power of love.
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Customer Reviews
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Should Have Been Depressing, But Wasn't
Rating  (4)
Date: 2008-11-06
I had misgivings about reading this book, because I knew that it would go to some less-than-happy places.
Ms. O'Neal does not seem to be disclosing anything for shock or retail value, nor does she seem to be soliciting sympathy.
Better yet, I never got the feeling that she was trying to "out" anyone else for his or her bad behavior. I would bet that - if she had chosen to do so - she would have had plenty of ammunition to write a tell-all tale. I believe she took the high road in keeping tabloid-type revelations to a minimum.
Here is my condensed version of her life story.
1) Her mother had substance abuse problems and was unfit to raise children. Hats off to Tatum for rekindling a relationship with her in later years.
2) Her father was abusive in many ways, yet he provided her with food, clothing, and dental care, which was more than she had gotten from her mother. Kudos to Tatum for not abandoning him altogether when he was eventually stricken with cancer.
3) For all of Ryan's temper and proclivity to act out, it was no surprise that she married John McEnroe, another hothead that seems to lack concern for how he affects others. After life with Ryan, she no doubt felt right at home with The Brat. Here's to you Tatum, for paying tribute to John for taking care of your kids when you couldn't.
In summary, whatever others have done to Ms. O'Neal, when the chips are down she opts for the high road. And perhaps that is my answer as to why this novel did not depress me in the end.
If you watch the news, it sounds like Tatum has continued to have some substance abuse problems since she published this book. After reading her story, I would empathize with her, but I would not judge her.
Deep down she has a survivor's spirit and an ability to keep rising above the weaknesses and mis-steps of those around her. On top of all of that, it sounds like she (and McEnroe) have raised some great kids.
Child abuse and neglect can instigate a vicious circle that can pass from one generation to the next. By all accounts Tatum has broken that cycle and there has been no suggestion that she has ever done anything to harm her children.
Way to go, Tatum. Your story is remarkable and inspirational. Best wishes for a happy future.
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Classic codependency, with a narcissistic BPD abuser
Rating (4)
Date: 2008-09-28
Although this was, in parts, a difficult read, I understood all too well how Ms. O'Neal must have felt growing up and trying to escape and then finding that she had "married her father" all over again. I always wondered what it must have been like to be married to her husband when I would read about his temper and exploits on the tennis courts. Now I unfortunately know. That poor girl, and her children!
I felt so sorry for the situation she was caught in, yet wishing and praying over and over again that she would finally escape and not accept an invitation to return to the abuse and dysfunction that was so clearly the only life her family knew.
I understand the kind of loneliness one has when there is no real "family" to rely on, as holidays come and go... just empty words and then actions that belie any kind of caring or truthfulness or understanding. And when you do weaken and "take the bait," you get kicked in the teeth once again. It's a lonely life that we lead when we cut ourselves off from abusive individuals and families that we are "tied to," but as classic codependents, blaming ourselves for the attacks of our abusers, and trying desperately to "please them" to gain their love, we risk ever-present, guaranteed failure each and every time.
There is no "cure" for narcissistic, borderline personality disorder (BPD) at this time, and anyone who thinks the other person will one day magically "change" and recreate the initial hypnotic magical "honeymoon stage" is doomed to failure. Codependent thinking says that that one day they will be able to get their abuser to love them "if only they could change themselves and act differently next time." I know this all too well.
They end up spending their entire life chasing a dragon that will only turn on them, breathing smoke and fire, and burn them to ashes and death. No matter how much we feel sorry for our abusers, and wish they were different, and wish to help them, and wish they would love us, and know that we would do ANYTHING in this world to get them to change and to finally love us and give us what we want, a home and family, what's wrong with that?, these damaged, abusive individuals can only damage others in return. They are not capable of more.
You have to recognize them for what they are, turn and run and never look back! Some people are nothing but rattlesnakes or poisonous spiders and toads, and can't do anything but spit venom, attack and bite at any unexpected moment in time. They must be avoided at all costs, no matter how much we wish they would love us, how we wish they were different, but they are not. They can't and they don't and they won't. Can a charging bull love someone? No. End of story there.
What do we do? We have to learn to love ourselves, and find love in the solace of the natural world. How to do that? I don't know, but looking to others who cannot love is not the way.
I kept wishing that Tatum would simply leave and take her children with her and make a new life for herself, but apparently too much damage was done.
I will also point out that when Tatum was growing up and being beaten by her father, physical "discipline" and child abuse was not considered a crime. I know this from my own experience. Thank God the laws have changed! Her father was recently arrested - again - for physically attacking his son, and for his on-going drug use. Some things never change, yet you defend this man that you apparently no nothing about.
Tatum is to be commended for telling her story from a heart-wrenching point of view. The emotional damage is the hardest to overcome, to which judgmental people, who have not lived through it, do not understand. They only add acid to the wounds. People who complain about "name-dropping" don't seem to understand that celebrities mix with other celebrities. Who else are they supposed to talk about? These are the people in their lives.
God bless Tatum O'Neill and I hope she is able to come to terms with her upbringing and realize that codependency doesn't help when you are dealing with vicious narcissistic borderline individuals (like some of the authors of the few negative reviews). All I know is to try and find solace in God and prayer and forgiveness. "Put it in God's Hands" and move on with our lives, ask God to show us the way, is the only solution that many of us can follow, since it is all that we can do. It's also enough for now. Thank you Tatum for writing your book and sharing your difficult story. It is a cautionary tale for anyone in an abusive relationship, which says "Save yourself. Get out now!"
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A Paper Life
Rating  (5)
Date: 2008-09-07
1 out of 1 customers found this reveiw helpful
First of all, I would like to say that I am sure the book is very good but I would strongly suggest the AUDIO book it is excellent and most of all it is READ BY TATUM herself and is read with true emotion and feeling. You can tell by her voice that some parts were very hard for her to write and admit to but to tell the true story of her life she had to endure retelling some of these things that happened to her and her family.
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A story of courage and survival
Rating (5)
Date: 2008-08-03
Tatum's courage to overcome horrific abuse is very inspiring and this book chronicles that journey. Some may question the validity of the abuse she describes in the book but anyone who's had abusive parents knows she speaks the truth and is not exaggerating.
It's very telling that the first thing Ryan O'Neal and John McEnroe said when this book was released was "Tatum is crazy". That's the classic response abusers always give - it's a dead giveaway.
Thank you, Tatum (and Griffin, Redmond and Patrick), for this book and the hope it provides to all of us who've survived being attacked and violated by our own parents.
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very important book
Rating (5)
Date: 2008-06-14
1 out of 1 customers found this reveiw helpful
this is a very important book. what an extremely sad life. she suffered so much at the hands of horrendous parents and a drug-addled narcissistic hollywood culture that to this day still destroys everything that it touches. then (surprise) she marries a complete prick in mcenroe who does everything to destroy her. what an important expose on the hollywood culture that continues to destroy so many people. they sacrifice any chance of love and normalcy to be famous and get the cash. her father should have been arrested and/or institutionalized a long time ago. this is a great book because it completely destroys the hollywood myth and exposes it for the horrific juggernaut that it is- all smiles and lies and phoniness hiding the reality of addiction, emptiness, abuse and wholesale prostituion of the soul. before these people get a chance to really live they dive head-first into a profession and a culture that rapes their souls and treats them like financial institutions. they are rendered soul-less and rutterless, trees without roots, standing on the pier as their lives sail away from them. once you miss the train it can be hard to get where you need to go. in other words there is absolutely no substitute for being loved, protected and guided by parents who know the meaning of love and aren't using their children to get rich and become famous.
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